Painful Escape
by Ellashmella
Summary: Summer before fifth year. Harry is living with Sirius and Remus for the summer. After the third task his mental health has been horrible, and he uses self-harm as an escape. How will Sirius and Remus find out and help him through his depression and his "escape"? And how will he stop? Chapter two in next day or two.


**Heyy. I'm writing this really quick because I'm in the middle of writing my second chapter for my other story "1995 meets 2020" but I needed a break and before I go to bed I wanted to write something. This is a story and it's about a serious topic(self harm) so if you are offended and/or sensitive to this kind of thing then it might not be for you. You can check out my other current(and upcoming) stories :). I might make a it a one shot but if you review and tell me that you like it the I'll definitely make a longer story out of it by adding chapters! Just want to make sure that I'm not just doing it for not reason so that I can be more inspired to do it. Anyway I'm low key tired so lemme start.**

 **Disclaimer: I Don't own Harry Potter, as I usually say though, I wish I did because that'd be dope**

Harry had just arrived at Grimmauld place earlier in the day. It was early July, and somehow Sirius had convinced Dumbledore to let him stay with himself and Remus for the summer. Harry was of course, ecstatic, but he had been going trough a lot since the third task. It had taken a huge toll on his life, it wasn't that alone that had made his life a living hell the past few weeks, but that was definitely the last straw for his mental health. At the moment, Harry was lying in bed. It had been hours since he'd said goodnight to Sirius and Remus, but he had woken from a horrible nightmare.

Lying in his bed, sweaty as an Olympic athlete, he tossed and turned, unable to get back to sleep. He kept thinking to himself that it was his fault. He caused so many deaths. So many horrible experiences for others all because he, Harry Potter, was alive. Simply existing made the world a worse place. He got up and went to the bathroom across the hall, and right next to Sirius' room. He hopes he doesn't wake Sirius.

He grabs the blade that he hid under an unused bar of soap. Pulling up his sleeve, he observes all the thin cuts covering his arm. Some white and shiny, and some brand new from earlier that day. He presses the blade into his skin, hissing at the pain that he secretly loved and looked forward to. He slides it across his skin, creating a deep cut. He made another one.

What he was doing was horrible to his body, and he knew this. He knew how dangerous it was, and he was ashamed. But shame is not enough to stop the one thing that helped him through the hard nights, the anxiety attacks, the tears. He didn't know why it helped, there was no reason that he could express through words, it just _helped._ He was aware that there were people all around him that loved him. He had Sirius, Remus, Hermione, and all of the Weaslys, but he still felt more alone and broken than he ever had. It was a completely selfish way to feel, but it was the truth, he felt alone.

Hearing a knock at the door, he quickly jumped, put the blade in his pocked, and covered the bloody cuts with his black pajama sleeve.

"Harry, are you okay?" He heard Sirius' whisper echo through the dark hallway just outside the door that he was just leaning against. He opened the door, smiled, and faked a yawn.

"I'm all good, thanks Sirius. Just woke up and had to go to the bathroom.'night again." He says in response to Sirius.

"Goodnight, pup. And next time answer right away, yeah? You scared me for a sec." Harry nodded and opened the door to his bedroom. Making his way to his bed, he looked down and saw that his sleeve was completely soaked with blood. _Shit... At least the light was off in the hallway._ He shoves the blade under his pillow and heads over to his dresser to get a new shirt. He chooses a simple white undershirt, it wouldn't hide his scars but he would be sure to change before he went down for breakfast in the morning. He took of his shirt and looked in the mirror, there were some bruises from various fights with Dudley, but that summer he had been running and working on muscle more, and it didn't disappoint. The purpose wasn't to get abs, he just liked being able to think when he was excercizing, it was relaxing, but he definitely got some anyway. Forgetting the thought, he out the new shirt on and climbed into his bed.

Although he was not interested in falling asleep and having to deal with another nightmare, he was so tired and couldn't help it. He proceeded to fall into a very unpeaceful but deep sleep.

 **Kitchen with Remus and Sirius**

It was 11 in the morning and Sirius and Remus sat drinking tea at the kitchen table. Remus' eyes were glued to his book and Sirius sat thinking about Harry.

"Hey Remus?" He says. Remus grunted in reply.

"Have you noticed Harry seeming a little down? I feel like even when he smiles it's not sincere." Remus looks up at this.

"Now that you mention it, yes, I have noticed the smile thing at least. You think we should say something to him?" Sirius thinks about the question. Would it help Harry more to stay clear and let him sort it out, or should they interfere. Of course, as a godfather, it would probably be best to at least ask the kid if he was alright and assure him that he had atleast two people that he could always talk to.

"Yeah, we should ask him what's up." Sirius replies. Remus nods

 **Back in Harry's Room**

Harry slowly opens his eyes to the sound of birds outside his window. He sits up and wipes his eyes, checking his watch. _Oof, how is it already eleven?_ He remember that he needs to change his shirt before going downstairs. He jumps out of bed and grabs a black hoodie he had gotten that summer. He shoves the shirt from last night into his laundry basket which was already half full even though he had gotten there the day before. He covers the shirt with a towel and calls it a day.

He looks in the mirror, attempts to tame his hair, and puts on his glasses. Today was going to be better than yesterday, he felt good. Better than he had in a while, actually. It was probably due to the fact that he wasn't waking up on Privet Drive. He opens his door and heads downstairs.

"Oh hey kid, how'd you sleep?" Remus asks. Harry smiles.

"Alright." He lied, thinking back to when he had woken up from a horrible nightmare last night. Sirius went up to him and gave him a hug, which he at first stiffened up to but then gave in after realizing that he would need to get used to hugs, living with those two this summer.

"Hey Harry, we were just wondering if you were all good. How have you been feeling?" Remus asks. Harry looks a bit confused, classic for him.

"Um yeah, I'm fine." He responds, almost wishing he could tell them everything he was feeling and experiencing, but they'd probably just think he was crazy like the rest of the wizarding world did.

"Okay, but just so you know, we're always here to talk pup, anything you need." Harry smiles.

"Thanks Siri."

"No problem, it's my duty as godfather of course." Sirius bows and Harry snorts.

"Anyway I'm doing laundry, you have anything in your basket?" Sirius asks Harry.

"Oh yeah, I do, thanks." He replies without thinking, distracted by choosing what to eat for breakfast. Sirius jogs up the stairs.

A few moments later, Harry goes upstairs to change into real clothing. He walks into his room and finds Sirius observing something with a very concerned look on his face. His shirt, with the the blood on it. _Shit. This is it. What do I say?_ He thinks frantically. Sirius turns to him, holding the shirt up.

"Please Harry, please tell me this doesn't mean what I think it does." Seing Sirius this way was painful. He cared so much for Harry and Harry had no idea why. He was just a waste of space anyway, and now he was hurting Sirius even more.

"Oh that?! No that was just erm- right! I had been writing to Ron before I came downstairs, it was with red ink. Suddenly, my ink bottle spilled and it went all over my sleeve and I had to toss it in the basket and clean the mess up." Harry replies way too fast, but hoping that Sirius bought it. Sirius stares tabuk for a long while.

"Harry, I'd absolutely love to believe you but I need to make sure. Please let me see your arms." Harry gulped. He had absolutely no idea what to do.

"Sirius please I'm fi-"

"Harry this is not a joke, please give me your arm." Harry slowly handed over his arm. He should've thought ahead. He should've used a concealment charm, or something. Sirius takes Harry's arm, pulls up the sleeve, and sees each and every little cut that Harry had made on his arm. Sirius gasps and tears come to his eyes.

"What have you done pup?" Sirius pulls Harry to him and hugs him for a long time. Harry begins to silently cry, not knowing how painful this moment would be, or that it would even happen in the first place. All of a sudden he's completely breaking down, ready to let all his thoughts come flowing out of his mouth. Luckily, he only allows tears, lots and lots of tears and sobs. Sirius is absolutely baffled and scared, he would've never though that his godson, whom he loved so much, would intentionally harm himself.

"Harry..." Sirius whispers. Harry manages to pull himself together and look up at Sirius, avoiding eye contact though.

"Harry I'm not angry, but I need you to tell me everything that you've been keeping to yourself. I'm going to help you through this okay? Remus and I are going to help you. It's going to be okay." Harry nodded, and he rested his head on Sirius' chest, horrified.

After a while of talking with Sirius, Sirius went downstairs and said he needed to tell Remus and they would be out soon. Harry had been waiting for a while and wondered what exactly it was that they were saying about him, besides the obvious.

 **Authors Note: Yeah, that was a pretty intense chapter. I'm going to make a second one ASAP(Probably a little after I post the second chapter of my other story tomorrow.). I'd do it now but I want to post something tonight but I also want to go to bed because I have something tomorrow and it's 2:30am so. Well, I hope you liked it, it's a serious issue but it's becoming a way of escaping for a lot of people around my age too and it's something that needs more thought. We can't stop it from happening by just saying "hey! No more of that, eh?" And** **people won't just be like "Oh word? Okay man of course." Because that's not a real solution. But goodnight guys.**


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